Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. What do you think of it? What else are you interested in? Let us know: email@example.com.
‘There Are No Good People Left’
“I guess there are no good people left, so let’s just get it over with. Just tell us whatever you did, Jimmy Carter, Barack Obama, Tom Hanks — Malala.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The “Late Show” host was utterly unsatisfied by the senator’s initial apology to Leeann Tweeden, who said Mr. Franken kissed her without consent and posed for a photograph groping her as she slept. Mr. Franken said the photo was meant to be funny.
“O.K., ‘intended to be funny but wasn’t?’ No. Your movie ‘Stuart Saves His Family’ was intended to be funny but wasn’t. That photo was intended to embarrass her — that’s why he did it while she was asleep. Nobody goes up to their buddy when he’s awake and says, ‘Hey, can I draw a penis on your forehead?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Franken later released a more complete apology, in which he said, ‘I am asking that an ethics investigation be undertaken, and I will gladly cooperate.’ Well, that’s nice. It would be wrong if an ethics investigation was done without his consent.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
‘Bring It On’?
Another politician accused of misconduct, the Senate candidate Roy Moore, defended himself on Twitter with what Jimmy Kimmel found to be an odd choice of words.
“Now, I’m not an expert in P.R., but when you’re accused of putting the moves on high school girls, maybe don’t reference the title of a movie about high school cheerleaders.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (Verified Edition)
“Some shocking news, you guys: It just came out that as many as four elected officials have not been accused of sexual harassment.” — JIMMY FALLON
“To everyone out there watching, if you do lose your verification on Twitter, don’t worry. You can still be as racist as you want on Facebook, YouTube, Reddit, Instagram, Google Plus, Snapchat, LinkedIn and of course whitehouse.gov.” — JAMES CORDEN, reacting to news that Twitter had removed its so-called verifications for certain users it judged to be white supremacists
The Bits Worth Watching
On “The Rundown,” Robin Thede investigated how climate change can drive gentrification in coastal cities. She focused on Miami’s Little Haiti neighborhood.
Here’s Mr. Kimmel’s brief and utterly weird parody of “Hamilton,” in honor of Thanksgiving.
Enjoy the Weekend
Most late-night hosts will be off next week for Thanksgiving, but a few will be around through Wednesday. Until then, have a relaxing weekend.
Also, Check This Out
On her Hulu show, “I Love You, America,” Sarah Silverman grappled with her friendship with her fellow comic Louis C.K., who has admitted to sexual misconduct. She asked: “Can you love someone who did bad things?”