Mr. Colbert said that as long as he uses this kind of speech, Mr. Trump probably shouldn’t accuse other world leaders of being divisive.
“Now, at one point Donald Trump said that North Korea might be trying to drive a wedge between the U.S. and South Korea, but assured us that ‘I know more about wedges than any human being that’s lived.’ Oh, sir, you are a wedge. The simplest of tools.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Trump and F.I.S.A.
Tweeting Thursday about the House’s vote on warrantless surveillance, Mr. Trump seemed to contradict the Republicans’ party line — and then himself.
“We need to get smart? You’re the only one live-tweeting a debate with yourself — that you’re losing.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Abdul-Jabbar Takes a Shot at Trump
It would seem no one can dismiss presidential hostility quite like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, the N.B.A.’s all-time leading scorer and the inventor of the famous “skyhook” jump shot. He talked to Mr. Noah about the time Mr. Trump sent him a nasty letter.
NOAH: You wrote an op-ed in and around Donald Trump, comparing him to Bernie Sanders, explaining the differences and trying to show how different their worldviews were. And the president then wrote you a personal letter on your own column. I think we have the picture here, what he wrote. It reads, “Dear Kareem, Now I know why the press always treated you so badly. They couldn’t stand you. The fact is that you don’t have a clue about life and what has to be done to make America great again. Best wishes, Donald Trump.” What do you do with a personal note like that from the president? Do you frame it or do you burn it?
ABDUL-JABBAR: Actually, when I got that I crumpled it up in a ball and I skyhooked it into a wastebasket.
The Punchiest Punchlines (Circuit City Edition)
“After being out of business for years, Circuit City announced that they’re opening stores again. Yeah, they said they couldn’t wait to fax their employees the news.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Vermont could become the first state to legalize recreational marijuana through the state legislature. Yeah, then the state full of Ben & Jerry’s and snowboarders said, ‘Oh, good, we can finally start smoking weed. Finally. Wonder what that’ll be like.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“According to NBC News, former White House chief strategist Steve Bannon has hired a lawyer to help him prepare to testify before the House Intelligence Committee. I’d say Bannon’s starting to sweat — but I’m pretty sure he never stopped.” — SETH MEYERS
The Bits Worth Watching
James Corden played “live Tinder” with a writer on his show, and it looked a lot like a classic dating show.
Mr. Colbert’s audience learned some things. One of them: It’s probably not a great idea to invite him to your party.
Enjoy the Weekend
Conan O’Brien is back next week after a long break. The Times Late-Night Comedy Committee will be here again on Tuesday morning to tell you about it.
Also, Check This Out
After Fifth Harmony broke up acrimoniously, Camila Cabello — singer of the hit song “Havana” — has come out on top.